A Whale of a Survivors Tale

What are tails?… Yes, they are a part of a whale, but a tale is also a picture of a story that can be true or false. I believe many tales or even fairy tales are stories that have been told over and over throughout history but oftentimes can get told differently depending on the perspective of the storyteller. I would like to share some recent revelation that has been on my heart in relation to perspectives on healing and redemption of survivors.

I have found recently, through my healing journey, that I have come to have a special love for the cult-loyal alters (sometimes called persecutor parts) inside the hearts of survivors of ritual abuse. You may ask, Why I would love someone who is connected to so much evil? Because, for one, I used to be a cult-loyal alter inside the heart of someone who loves God. I hated God, and I hated everyone inside our heart – including her. In fact, my name was Ender because I wanted to end her. I got freedom because someone chose to love me despite my programmed destructive desires and saw beyond my intentions to the heart of who I am – and they loved me enough to get me free.

For many survivors, the cult-loyal alters are the ones who are oftentimes treated like demons or like they are worthless. Truly however, these parts are deep, beautiful treasures who have suffered the most so the person on the surface could continue to live a normal life. They are deeply loved by the Father and oftentimes have amazing gifting.

img_1999Recently, a sweet friend who is a survivor shared a picture of this beautiful whale that a cult-loyal part inside her had painted. This image of the whale suddenly began a download from the Lord about her destiny (inside my friend) as well as that of others, including myself, who have walked similar journeys. She has given me permission to share this image as well as what I shared with her about the symbolism of these beautiful creatures:

A TRUE WHALE STORY:

The first story I was reminded of when she showed me her picture was one I read about a marine biologist and a humpback whale. The whale pushing her out to sea which was very painful because of his size and the barnacles that cut her skin. She had no choice but to follow it. She knew the whale didn’t want to kill her, but she also knew she couldn’t get away. Long story short, this whale was rescuing her from a very dangerous predator. If she had stayed in the water where they were or even swam away towards the boat, a very large, dangerous tiger shark would have probably had her for lunch. (Here is the original post)

I think this is a beautiful and yet sometimes painful picture of redemption. God will often times send help for situations we don’t understand. We can either fight against it or trust him even when it gets tough and painful. I don’t believe God is the author of – or even desires for us to suffer – pain. Yet, he knows that sometimes, what is needed is not always going to feel nice. I look at my own children: sometimes they put themselves in places that can be painful or dangerous, and even the process of getting them free can hurt a bit. Yet, I still do it. (All I can say is – Splinters in the feet, ouch!)

JONAH AND THE WHALE:

The Lord then began to speak to me about how this relates so much to the story of Jonah. Here was a man who was called by God to go and rescue a whole race of people who could symbolically be the same as the occult and my abusers. They had intentions of harming and hurting others, yet God sent Jonah to help them. He ran the other way. Who wouldn’t want to? I would like to propose that his running was deeper then just fear, but could have come out of a place of pain in facing what brought so much pain to his people. Yet, God loved them.

I see in the story of Jonah another story of redemption that doesn’t seem very pretty. Even when Jonah made choices to run away, God always provided a way for redemption though never forcing him to take it. Jonah asked for help, and He – always present – helped him. Yet, Jonah called the one thing God sent to rescue him “Sheol.” He looked at his salvation as something painful and terrible.

I do not believe God wanted Jonah to suffer, but I also believe God knew it would take a whale to rescue him from the depths of the sea, to deliver him back to where he needed to be.

So many of us who are survivors feel overwhelmed by the darkness of what is hidden inside. Many cannot face it or do not face it because it is too painful. Even the process of getting free can feel traumatizing. For that reason, many walk away and stuff it down, but they often times suffer physically, spiritually, and emotionally. They often see the way of getting free like the whale: Sheol. Don’t get me wrong… it can feel like it. But when we step back and see the bigger picture, we will see something bigger is happening.

I also look at how many people in the body of Christ will not even help survivors because it just seems too dangerous to face. They are also fighting the idea of facing those things that often come up internally along the way. Yet, I believe God is rescuing the Jonahs and sending whales to rescue those who are lost. Not just the Jonahs, but the Ninevites. So many survivors, internally, have cult-loyal alters as well as people in their family who are still connected to the occult – who seem like they only want to destroy or hurt people. Yet, God loves these people too. He is calling his Children to rise up out of that ocean of death and to be a part of redemption.

Sometimes, something that is good for us can feel or even look like hell. For example, I am a mom; those veggies are good for you, but can taste terrible to my kids. And, my hair in the morning, “Lord Jesus, help me!” It looks terrible and can be a pain in the butt, but I am thankful I have it. The enemy often twists our perceptions of what God is using to bring healing and redemption. Suddenly, our healing journey looks like Sheol and we run away from it.

As a survivor at the beginning, the idea of getting whole seemed hard and long and even, at times, impossible. The idea of rescuing and healing everyone inside seemed overwhelming. My idea back then of getting free was to get all the parts healed and integrated. I had no idea how different this journey would be. When my goal was to be whole and at peace, it seemed impossible. Yet, when I began to embrace this journey no matter how hard or long it was and to focus on the factor that I had many people inside, as well as other people I was connected to, and that I got to be a part of their redemption, discovering new things about us inside as well as the others, I slowly began to see it differently. This journey, no matter how hard it is and no matter how painful it can be at times, has been so worth it – not just for my redemption, but also for the redemption of the parts of people who have been in places of captivity due to their choices or their family’s choices. I have found that as we work through breaking agreement and rescuing parts, we have been dis-empowering these principalities, powers, and spiritual structures that are not just attached to me, but to many, including my abusers and a lot of God’s creation.

This goes right with Romans 8:18-25 AMP

For I consider [from the standpoint of faith] that the sufferings of the present life are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is about to be revealed to us and in us! For [even the whole] creation [all nature] waits eagerly for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration and futility, not willingly [because of some intentional fault on its part], but by the will of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will also be freed from its bondage to decay [and gain entrance] into the glorious freedom of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been moaning together as in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only this, but we too, who have the first fruits of the Spirit [a joyful indication of the blessings to come], even we groan inwardly, as we wait eagerly for [the sign of] our adoption as sons—the redemption and transformation of our body [at the resurrection]. For in this hope we were saved [by faith]. But hope [the object of] which is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait eagerly for it with patience and composure.

Creation has been groaning for freedom from the torment it experiences from the choices men have made throughout history. Even look at the picture of the seas in Jonah. It was angry and working against man – because of Jonah’s choice.

If you are a survivor and you are working towards freedom…. Thank you. You are a warrior that many don’t see, but your work is powerful – not just for you, but for your family as well. You are making a difference for all creation. I want to encourage you, you are making a difference even when it seems painful and hard. Keep fighting and know that God is for you and not against you. He is preparing a table for you in the presence of the enemy.

If you are someone who is helping a survivor, you are doing the same, and the treasure and fruit of loving and supporting a survivor far outweighs the hard times. I am so thankful for the quiet ones who have stood beside me and many other of my survivor friends and have not given up the fight even when it got hard.

If you are interested in investing in my journey:

You can donate to this Go Fund Me.

Church Don’t Hide – Turn Darkness to Light

When a child is being abused by a sibling or family member in their immediate family and their family denies it because they love the accused too much too believe that the abuse is possible. Or sometimes the adults realize it might be true but are too scared to face it and would rather disassociate from it as well because it’s easier to pretend it never happened and silence the child’s pleas for help. What happens to these children. They oftentimes will disassociate to survive and learn to survive despite the abuse until someone is either caught or they grow up being deeply broken but sometimes not totally knowing why.

This is heart breaking but similar things are happening not just with survivors of sexual abuse but also ritual and mind control abuse and it doesn’t just happen in families but in our communities and church communities at large.

People are struggling but what they share sounds too much like a conspiracy theory and people completely will deny them and push them away rather then considering what they are saying.

Some people recognize that it does happen but when it happens to someone they know or love it gets too messy so it’s easier to love them at a distance and push them away for there own safety or even in some cases not believe them. This is sometimes as devastating and traumatic as the abuse itself and often leads to the person eventually not trusting anyone.

So many want to turn there heads away from anything that looks messy because they just don’t know how to handle it so they push it away and choose to focus on happy good things while

The survivors try to look at the goodness of God while continuing to be abused.

Yes we have a God that is Good and full of Goodness but that doesn’t mean He wants us to ignore the dark things in this world, especially when they are effecting the people around us. He wants us to bring Healing, Hope, and Freedom to them. But it requires being willing to get messy and see dark things not to glorify it or fear it but Rather to Bring the Power of God to break its power over people.

If we see someone sexually abusing a child in public, you better believe someone would come and kick the butt of the person doing it… Why is the church afraid of kicking the butt of the enemy all in the name of thinking destroying darkness is denying God’s goodness. It’s the exact opposite… It is like taking your treasures and burying them in the sand.

People wake up! God is Good and powerful and so are you… If the Power of God dwells inside of you… Take it into those dark places get your hands dirty. Some of those dark places are inside people inside your churches and communities that you say are just too messy to help. Some of those dark places are inside of you but you are too afraid to face because you think it would be denying the goodness of God to face your own areas that are too painful in messy. It’s easier to ignore them and pretend you have it all together. God longs to meet us in those dark places and so that His Power and Love can remove the fear, abuse, and darkness.

Don’t deny it… agree that it’s possible and then take a look at it with God. He had the answers and the Goodness we need to break the power of darkness!

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